


How Far 'Til We're O.K.?  Kyoya, Takashi || OHSHC

by Memento__Mori



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Don't Try This At Home, Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay Ootori Kyouya, Long-Distance Relationship, Lust and Honor, M/M, One Shot, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Repression, Slice of Life, Top to Top, Vignette, Waiting, some smut some plot, still waters run deep and hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28472826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memento__Mori/pseuds/Memento__Mori
Summary: Takashi is a man of his word, and his heart listens.“Kyoya...”The name was drawn out into a deep gasp, almost a growl, but was met with silence. My chest ached, hands gripping the sides of the cold laptop on my low wooden table. The sun had set hours ago; I glowed in screenlight.How long could I wait for him? I am patient.The answer you might like to read is “forever,” but I will not live forever.
Relationships: Morinozuka Takashi/Ootori Kyouya
Comments: 8
Kudos: 8





	How Far 'Til We're O.K.?  Kyoya, Takashi || OHSHC

## How Far Until We're O.K.? Kyoya, Takashi || OHSHC

“Kyoya...”

The name was drawn out into a deep gasp, almost a growl, but was met with silence. My chest ached, hands gripping the sides of the cold laptop on my low wooden table. The sun had set hours ago; I glowed in screenlight.

How long could I wait for him? I am patient.  
The answer you might like to read is “forever,” but I will not live forever.  
I _will_ wait, though. I will wait.  
____________

**It took the iciest of men, the most overtly disinterested, to surprise me into knowledge of myself.**

During the Host Club days, he created a comprehensive, almost obsessively detailed file on each club member.

In truth, I believe he enjoyed investigating us with such exacting zeal. If his stunning looks did not make him stand out in every crowd or if his voice were not so gripping, so unique, he might have made an excellent spy. This thoroughness served him well later in life, if not in espionage per se. 

It seemed invasive at the time. However, what else could be expected from a true Shadow King? He did a perfect job, naturally.

It was in this way that he became well aware of the conservative mindset that my family had raised me with, and to which I adhered, despite my own inner searching. In many ways I am resolute to the point of unmoving, this would be hard to miss when he compiled his profile of me. 

_**Looking back, I know it is possible that I simply posed a challenge.**_

Another unlikely victory on his own personal scoreboard. Perhaps I am not giving him enough credit, he has changed since those days when he kept a ledger of gains and losses in his head for _everything_.

Years later, it makes little difference.  
Even so, the difference is there.  
I draw the line at one thing.

Grown now, **I know what started there in high school grew hot, sure and strong, binding the two of us together in ways that neither anticipated.**  
____________

The words came easily to him even in that first year, “homosexual or otherwise” flowed calmly from the self-possessed young man I had seen around Ouran Academy. No blush of anger or embarrassment crossing his refined features. He made it clear early on that he was more interested in the pecking order than anyone’s sexuality. Or so he let us believe.

**It wasn’t long before it was clear that our Cool Type was anything but.**

His brief bursts of extreme temper proved a source of amusement to the unknowing young twins, flew past Tamaki, caused concern in Honey, and were just one more thing to cope with for Haruhi. Even then I knew that strength like his, no matter where it flowed from, should have some outlet; some other type of control than sheer force of self-imposed will.

**Simple concern for a fellow student could be considered my downfall.** Perhaps that charming voice and face had snared me unawares, but I would not know. The short of it was, he worried me from the start.  
____________

After a long meeting one evening, each young member chiming in or coming close to blows, Kyoya as usual guiding and moderating the entire exchange while seeming to defer to Tamaki throughout, I saw the telltale twitch next to his eye.

The twins dispersed in a flurry of heavily styled copper hair and mischief, already planning costumes-- carrying Tamaki in the wake of their youthful enthusiasm, and of course with an ear to what next finery he would be wearing. Haruhi was soon done washing teacups without firing off her usual sarcastic bon-mots. Honey and I stayed to tidy the clubroom as the unexploded bomb that was Kyoya intently made quick marks in his notebook. I had tasked myself with keeping a watchful presence near our Shadow King for a while longer. One look to Honey encouraged him to make his way to the dojo alone.

Kyoya’s temper might benefit from meditation. 

Such a simple thought to offer.  
I intended to address this, before my duty as guardian made it necessary for me to restrain the power behind the throne. Something about him said this was the day to speak.  
____________

Kyoya kept staring at a few books before him, stationed at a table near the closed door. Everything about him said intense concentration, but he gave off a feeling I did not have a word for.

I approached him so that he would not feel cornered or startled. Out of habit, I knelt next to him, resting back on my heels. Eye level.

**Before I could form a word, his left arm shot out.**  
\--I suppressed every combat response--  
He grabbed me by my school tie, pivoting in his chair to face me,  
I remember his eyes were ink-black, pupils huge.

He paused only a fraction of a second.  
I chose  
no  
defense.

Eye-level  
He tightened his grip on my tie, just under the knot,  
And drew me to meet him halfway,  
I on my knees had to look down slightly to keep this distance  
which he closed the next moment.  
Hooking his thumb over the the half-Windsor knot, He briefly grazed my neck with the nail Making blood rise, to my stunned surprise, Elsewhere. He  
Made a delicate fist  
And pulled me to his lips.

My heart beat once  
Before I met that kiss, almost  
Dove into the insistence, but instead, brought myself to his kiss fully, with some waiting...  
Followed the pull on my tie-- gentle now, but furious, plaintive, so _much_

As I angled my head to avoid his glasses,  
His right arm slipped to my chest  
**I lent down and surrounded him in the circle of my arms,  
Not safe,  
Neither wanting to be. **

We were so young.

____________

I understand the world he lives in now.  
It is a path that doubles back, forces conflict, and narrows. His skill in the business world is impressive, and with a small explosion of pride I know he schooled himself in his conduct during the Host Club days very, very well.

His excellent etiquette paired with an understanding of his abilities took him far even then, though I still question some of what he learned from his father, no matter how effective.

**After his first big financial coup, I asked both him and myself how much longer could I live in two worlds and still be alone.**

He told me to be strong. 

I am not superhuman. I say that not angrily, simply as a fact. A need for sleep, keeping my heart in order, continuing my own studies all bore the marks of the path we followed. Not with doubt, but with humility, I do not know that answer. He disrupts my calm.

_**Welcome to our love story.** _  
____________

Only an hour before, the chirp of a video call had signaled our connection.

I knelt at an altar of glass, titanium and wires just to see him.

I’d made it this far in our long-distance relationship. How much farther would I be able to go? How much would my own discipline help these years pass? We could only plan and see.

I closed my eyes, forced myself to let go of the laptop. I tried to rest my hands on my thighs, but I was already half-hard. The position that should bring peace held no calm for me tonight.

**Images of his face still lingered behind my eyelids. I stifled a guttural gasp.**

Those strong, delicate features which had enchanted me, once cursed and blessed me with kisses, teasing my throat, silencing the few words I could conjure. The older Shadow King still would rule me—  
Or try. 

With those fine lips and their many sexual smiles, some exhausted, sated, and I believed with all my heart, shared only with me.

Leaning back heavily, I thought of him, my cock aching, disobeying every mental discipline I knew.

Erection straining against my loose sweats, the elastic of boxers became the friction of his precise tongue, that perfect wicked threat of teeth.

I let my fingers drag gently along the pulsing of my cock and thought of the last time Kyoya and I had touched... clear slick liquid eased tender skin past the waistband as it dripped, momentarily caught between my heat and the night air. I savored every second, then. My hips were locked in the memory, and my thumb caught more pre-cum, slowly sliding back and around the freed tip, coaxed roughly from my stretching foreskin. Eager as he had been last time, he still made a point of finessing the head until it was startlingly dark and hugely ripe. To think when we were young I’d tried to spare him my full size! 

____________

The cool attitude and effortless provocative stance which had won my admiration and longing so many years ago had not changed much. His features were if anything more attractive with age.

I had traveled the contours of his face, memorizing each fine feature; treasuring his scent whenever we met.

His logical calm paired with the white flash of his glasses against black, black hair, slim hips angled forward in tailored suits which fit him like snakeskin ... still drew me in.

The pressure was close to unbearable at times like these. Awkwardly I thought it might be possible to die of desire.

An echo from earlier, his coaxing, sexual voice almost mocked me, though I knew with every scrap of my soul that he meant nothing too cruel by it.  
Shadow King, my Love.

_______

My already flushed face burned hotly.

He wanted me to... wanted me to...  
He knew me... after all these years...  
**He knew me better than that!**

We had been together long enough that he should understand.  
We had, 

I had faced enough.

He should know.

There are some things I do not want to do.

He respected so much about me, but would not see this line I drew as anything other than a challenge.

[This life was challenge enough.]  
_______

He said he had been waiting too long to cyber with me.

He purred it.  
He told me reasonably.  
He said it in clipped tones.  
He gasped it at me while he was touching himself out of range of the camera, letting me see his face twist when he hissed in orgasm, stifling the cries I loved.

In person, he’d shouted up at me, red patches rising over his collarbone, raging up his neck and solidly covering his face. He was almost unrecognizable. Almost.

Calmly but foolishly I brought up his hidden camera addiction in high school. I did not want our intimate moments captured like that.

It took us a long time to come back from what I said, but I will not be ashamed about my desires or my limits.

Never again.

As much as I wanted him, I did not want that.

He could not deny the logic of my concern, although it cut him more deeply than had I thought possible at the time.

Even if I trusted him, and I did, I knew he was subject to temptation as much as anyone. 

Long distance, long-term relationships pose many problems. I didn’t see a reason to add another.  
And it still didn’t change the fact that I still did not want to have cybersex.

My love is part of _this body_ , my body. What we do... needs to be skin to skin.   
Screen to screen?   
Very little repulsed my whole self, but for some reason that did.

I would rather relive memories until his next whirlwind stop here. Mindlessly, I teased myself harder, past caring.

There are ways to solve this without breaking the last bit of my composure.

He knows that. When we are together things are right.  
Just that one thought took the edge of our last barbed exchange.  
_______

**Choosing him caught most of our friends off-guard.**

Mitskune may had guessed, but contrary to his nature never said a word. Aside from Haruhi, degrees of shock hit the grown members of our old Host Club.

Kaoru, proudly Out, was now well placed in the world of fashion. Not just because of his talent, but because of his temperament, at least to some degree.

Hikaru had quickly taken to teasing me about all the club kids Kyoya would be enjoying a night at a time in the U.S.A.

During our few group calls, he would describe new students at the dojo in elaborate detail just to wind Kyoya up. At first I thought this was typical twin mischief with an adult and overly personal edge.  
_______

It turned out that the vivacious older brother was trying to pave the way for his twin Kaoru, with me.

Hikaru was even more of a success in the outside world. Despite being the hothead of the two, he had grown into a genuinely protective older brother and wanted to see Kaoru with someone who would care for him and protect him no matter what.

Mitsukune, while still a dear cousin, was a married man now. It was true I lacked someone to look after on a daily basis. As far as I can tell, that’s all Hikaru ever saw. So, when he learned of his brother’s affection for me, he saw a much better match than the one I was living.

**Kaoru confessed to me four years ago.** His love was a mixture of admirable empathy as well as fondness and I know, love.

He told me immediately that he did not wish to take Kyoya’s place in my heart. He said he knew he could never do that. But given the time between visits, he looked up at me, eyes brimming, to say that he would take what I could give, and would offer every comfort I deserved.

He offered fidelity, shared interests, and of course the desire to dress me up for modeling shoots now and then.

His mother had been looking for another Japanese model as tall as myself… He had even thought to the point in time when I would no longer be a National Kendo champion and would need something to fall back on for an independent income should my inclinations prove too difficult in a very traditional family. He also offered to introduce me to what he called the gay world. Not just clubbing, apparently so much more.

With all this careful thought and feeling was his own assertion that Kyoya would always be first, no matter how far away. Even though Kaoru offered so much more time together and so many more shared activities, he saw himself as a comforter who just happened to be in love with me.  
_______

I will not lie about this. Seeing my friend, yet another friend, in that light, and listening to the careful stages of emotions he had gone through before his confession-- my heart broke for him.

It may have broken some for myself, too. I will not lie.

Kaoru would never leave for years, and his understanding of my heart was much like Haruhi’s.

To have a loving clever companion share my bed and show me this world I found my body had led me to was a little overwhelming and very much the wrong time. On cold nights I still think what might have been.

Kaoru understood people. He was fragile, he was strong. He finished my sentences correctly, though he held back most times, allowing my words to come to the surface.

But when I look at empty space, it’s Kyoya I think of in my arms.

If we were different men it is quite possible that Kyoya would have jumped at this plan, seeing his own sexual freedom as a bonus. But that’s not the man I pledged myself to. To the best of my knowledge he was faithful, and that was enough for me.

I will never forget the sad, gentle acceptance in Kaoru’s amber eyes when I told him I just didn’t work like that. The tender kiss I gave him said a sort of goodbye I had no words for; he took it, that once, and knew.  
_______

**I told Kyoya about it later. I could hear the ice in his voice when he said that it seemed like a reasonable plan.** I told him it was my decision to make and it had been made. His frozen voice melted rapidly after. Kyoya never asked permission or told me about any other men he had slept with while away from me. To this day I will believe the number is none.  
_______

Soon, it would be the seventh year I’d waited to have the life Kyoya had rhapsodized about for the two of us.  
Promised me.  
Gave his word.

In the beginning, when we stumbled into each other, Spring was all around us, we were young. I still believed “someday” was soon. He pointed out later it meant no such thing. We were true to words... in our own ways.

I have watched a few white hairs grace my slightly younger partner’s temples. What was once the promise of adrenaline, approval, and the right way to be, the National Kendo rank I still held, was now harder, real work, though perhaps if I could sleep in between teaching and training and this nebulous hell, I might not feel such a change. Doing anything with a heavy heart is reason for struggle.

If Kyoya ever needed proof of my deepest trust, he could count the number of little notebooks he had filled since he said we would be together, sharing each day. He is not the only one who can feel frustration at the hand life dealt.  
_______

“Living in a long distance relationship requires creativity...” he wheedled, almost as if speaking to a child.

“It requires patience.” I replied after a wait, using all of my strength to control disappointment, hurt, anger and more pain.  
_______

I was sure he had no real idea what his absence did to me.

After all, I was the sensible one, down to earth, the one who saw behind his mask. I was his rock, the calm in his constant inner storms. I could take his temper and passion, both, without breaking.

I held him when he shook in anger or frustration with the confines of his father’s outmoded thinking, with the slowness of other people’s thoughts.

I kept up. I understood. I loved him.  
For me, there was no alternative.  
We belonged.  
_______

Endless typing on his laptop brought him success after success.

“Damn that machine” I heard the words whispered, and it took a  
minute to realize the words were mine. I was slipping in more ways than one.

The American Ootori branch was an achievement even in Kyoya’s father’s eyes. I was proud of Kyoya’s success, with the same pain that I was proud of him when I heard his father had challenged him to gain even more of a foothold in the West, too many years ago.

We would have to wait, a stolen visit here and there. Only another year, and I’ll be home. Every time he said those words he meant them... when he said them.

**Private jets are nothing if one cannot leave.** Work was work, for both of us.

The time difference was more than hell, it threatened to unbalance everything I needed here.  
In the first year I adapted to his schedule and kept my own as well.  
I could not afford to lose concentration or much more sleep.  
There were times I could hear his concern, but my silence reassured him.  
He did not need another burden.  
_______

Tonight, as tired and turned on as I was, I knew there was no way I could sleep in that empty bed yet.

Just hearing his voice had turned my body to ungoverned passion. Oh, what he would have been in for had he been here. My training in self-restraint would not help him. Every movement over him, into him, held years of waiting.

With him on my mind right after that call, I couldn’t just masturbate to sleep, into blessed nothingness.

Thoughts of him would stir me all night, crashing into my dreams, coming into my mind with stifled cries. His face dangerous and unguarded, we would move as if our goddamn lives depended on it.

He was like no other man I have ever met. Thoughts of him could not be set aside or mingled with some generic fantasy.  
I wanted HIM. Not some image on a screen.

Kyoya...

All I felt was the aching tension of blood filling my cock, balls close to my body with an all-too-familiar readiness and I didn't hide the loud, ragged sigh it dragged from me. My hand, wet against the cotton stroked my cock mercilessly in imitation of his grasping pre-orgasm urgency.

I could see flashes of him. That surprising mouth, capable of so much more than manufactured smiles. His beautiful body, slender, pale, so tight in my hands. Glasses aside, his beautiful slate grey eyes burning into mine. I always let him use his full strength with me, pound that deep, coiled passion into my skin. Let him feel me. Oh, GODS! I said it out loud --

I wanted him NOW.

I wanted to see him crumble and pant and sweat under me, while daring me for more.

I heard my own breath break when I thought of grabbing him, not gently, not his source of calm and comfort over the years, but his lover denied.

I imagined that immaculate designer shirt torn from his smaller frame, ripped from the waist up, his arms trapped behind him in the fabric of his sleeves, held easily with just one of my hands.

I could almost feel the starched fabric give way in my hot fist. I held him there, wrist over wrist. Kyoya was gaping up at me, his sweet sardonic mouth open, open and wet.

“Well?” taunted his specter, goading me, testing me, always testing me.

I kissed him harshly, teeth clashing for a second before sinking into his lower lip just deep enough to hear that first moan shift into need.

I remembered the surprise that rocked through his body the first time I didn’t stop.

Shadow King, how well your soldier served you that night.

Forcing sweatpants and underwear down, I grabbed my cock, roughly working the shaft in anticipation... of a memory.  
Pre-cum dripped, splattering my knuckles as I lunged harder back into that time. Into him.

**Kyoya!**  
_______

In the here and now I shook the sweat from my spiked hair and knelt forward, leaning toward the low table. It slipped under the weight of my forearm, pitching sideways with a snap. I was still pounding furiously on my straining dick, punishing the tense flesh, pulling myself back into those days of fucking Kyoya almost silently, clashing, discovering some new heat when we grappled, each trying to outlast the other.

I swear he was with me that night as I fucked a ghost, his hands, mouth, ass, all of him in a jumbled rush of memories that left me on all fours, the image of him grinning up at me as I came alone in my room, shooting cum so hard it arced, dripped from my twitching abs and chest onto the floor. My cry was short but brutal. The pleasure blocked everything else.  
Finally, release.

Clean tomorrow. Bed now.

With a grunt, I stripped off what was left of the sweatpants, seams popped and torn, a mess glued to my quads where shredded boxers had been in the way, all thrown into the dark. I lashed out, kicking the cracked table and the supposedly indestructible laptop high up behind me as I swiftly shifted to my spartan bed.

So tired... I barely heard the laptop and broken wood clatter cartoon-like beside me. Curling up, I raised my wet eyes briefly to make sure the machine wasn’t obviously broken. Two tiny blue lights glowed back at me, the only connection I could get to the man I loved.

**Tears tried to soak my worn cotton neck roll.** I willed them away. Realizing I’d jacked myself sore again when I rolled heavily onto my front, I couldn’t fight a wry smile. Still awake in the empty dark, the pain was a welcome distraction. He said I didn’t know my own strength. How wrong _that_ was.

“I think it’s time I came home, don’t you?” came a laconic voice from somewhere near my left ear.

I shook the ghost away, giving myself completely to sleep.  
_______

Takashi?  
Can you hear me?

I talk to you when you’re asleep, hoping it will lodge in your memory.

I thought I was keeping you company, but perhaps it’s just my ears that play voyeur now, my mouth telling secrets I’d never say unless I heard you snore.

Takashi.  
Wake up.

Please.  
I’m coming home. I know what I’ve done. Forgive me.

I took your strength and code of honor for granted.  
It’s time to stop that shameful behavior.  
I know you would wait for me until the end of time.  
For what?  
So I could be my father’s puppet?

So I could carry on in the West, eventually winning the approval of an old ghost?

...There was clicking...

The jet will be ready in twenty minutes.  
Wake up! 

More clicking.

**A silence sliced at my foolish heart.**

Dreams. Just more cruel dreams.  
Shifting in the cool night, I wondered why anyone wore bedclothes, and dug my head deeper into the firm bolster.

Julian’s going to be my rep here. I’ll work it out.

Takashi, can you hear me?  
Damn it, listen!  
I am coming home for good.  
I fucked up.  
I don’t need to be here to run things.  
I was wrong to force the other issue.

**I was wrong!  
Wake up, because you won’t hear _that_ often, you mountain. **

I lifted my head, dazed.  
Minutes ticked by.  
I knew sleep deprivation caused hallucinations.  
I stole a glance at the computer anyway.  
_______

“TAKASHI!”

This time I sat bolt upright from precious slumber. Didn’t I end the call? What time was it?

“Hn,” I ventured a response into the dark without much hope, looking for the blue lights of a half-open laptop. My body was aching as if after a tournament. I needed to shower, badly. Distracted and comforted by the smell of sex, I almost settled back down, but the thoughts wouldn’t leave me.

Had he let me sleep? Did he wait for me? Did he, did he hear me please myself so violently?

A wall within me came crashing down. He must have. He would pay when he was in my arms, that much was clear to my tired mind. Shadow King, peeping Tom, eavesdropping pervert, my beloved.

“Have you been there, Kyoya, did you hear?”

“I, I’m sorry.” His voice was much quieter, clearly emanating from the computer’s speakers. “Did you hear _me?_ I am coming home.”

“Hurry!” I said, the word half shouted, half strangled, and still somehow a loving growl.

The tears came when he was in the air.

**It would be O.K.**

We would finally be O.K.

**Author's Note:**

> This needs some feedback, I have had to put parts back together after losing a lot of the original.
> 
> Thank you for taking a look.


End file.
